Nobody is online because secretly, you’re all religious nutsacks and I bet you are celebrating the birth of your messiah and wearing knitted sweaters whilst unpacking gifts with your families on a rug by a fireplace somewhere. Well I hope you carelessly allow a ribbon to fall into the fireplace when you ravage yet another perfectly packaged little box of goodies. Then, whilst you devour your tasty holiday ham, unbeknownst to your family, the ribbon catches on fire, and, like a fuse, beckons the inferno of the fireplace unto this picturesque scene. Your gifts; your rug; your tree; your decorations; your family pictures; better yet, your family members, all are soon devoured by the merciless flames and all that is left is a lump of coal, and a lump sum of monies from house and life insurance for the delinquent family member who refused to partake in the Christmas farce.
Basically, I hope you’re all choking on this joke of a holiday and milking it for any possible financial gain.
Now these are some Christmas wishes I doubt you’ll ever find inside of a hallmark card.
Filed under: The Joys of Mocking | 8 Comments
Tags: Christianity, Religion, Ridiculing Religion
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Are you an angry orphan?
You must really like getting attention. So were you a spoiled rotten brat who is starting to lose freinds or something or are you just a natural ass-fucker. go die.. please you’d do the world a favor
bahahah
It’s great to see my pontificating has offended a thimble-headed Christian to the point that they feel the need to lash out at me in a most unchristian manner. If you really think that I write things like this for attention, wouldn’t you then want to avoid giving me said attention? The best way to do that is to not comment, and I have an inkling that even a moronic oaf like yourself could have realised that much. The fact that you commented, despite this, means either:
A) You are more of a moronic oaf than I first anticipated, if you were unaware that comments count as attention
or
B) My Christian-slandering words really “huwt youw feeewings”; so much so that you were unable to control yourself and had a 3 sentence hissy-fit
Either way your poorly thought out remark merely reaffirms my opinion of Christians mentally inferior specimens.
I was just wondering if I could quote you in my home-made “Bah Humbug” cards this year.
You sure can, as long as you don’t profit from it nor deny my authorship? You don’t have to have my name smack bang in there with the words, just point people in my direction if they ask. I’ve been wanting to make anti-religious Christmas cards for yonks but have been too lazy to figure out exactly what to say, little did I know I had already said it. Thanks for the idea.
- Captain Pinhead
I was starting to enjoy your website and find your writings clever until I read this. Its not even a “mockery” of religious types. Its the ramblings of a bitter, lonely person on Christmas.
Good for you for being smarter and “better” than the “masses.”
I’m not even religious but I do love time with family and friends. I guess that makes me mindless and stupid.
I’m not for everyone, I’m an acquired taste. I like family and friends too, I don’t think we need a national religious holiday to enjoy their company. Ramblings yes, bitter yes, lonely no – I don’t celebrate Christmas, my family celebrates the new year on the 1st instead. I think it’s because I’m from Russia and our Christmas was on the 11th of January, my parents decided instead of choosing whether to go with Dec 24th or Jan 11th that they really didn’t give two hoots about what date two different calendars say when it’s a date with Jesus and they’re not religious. They decided a new year is more of a cause for celebration, so my family unites then.
I was on the computer for about 5 minutes one December and I had no idea it was Christmas – then I realized why everyone was absent and I couldn’t do the ‘long distance friendship’ life support thing I was planning on doing. Then I got peeved at religion influencing my life and I thought: two birds, one stone. This served as the life support email to all that needed supporting, required little tweaking from me (person-to-person) due to its impersonal nature, plus I get to rabble on about a momentary annoyance and pass it off as ‘reading material’…Much like I’m doing now.
Anyway if you can somehow manage to squeeze family fun times out of Christmas and my bitter ramblings have offended you (you wouldn’t write if I didn’t ignite) I do hope you’re feeling better now and we can put this behind us. In future, if Christmas holds a special place in your heart (due to nostalgia and associations, not Jesus-lust), I suggest you steer clear of reading things with a title that promises Christmas malevolence ‡ arrogance. And I’ll do my part by not posting any more Christmas hate-mail.
Have I defused the situation yet? Let’s never fight again.
CHRISTMAS IS A SHAM. JESUS WASNT BORN IN DECEMBER AND THERE ARE NO PINE TREES IN THE FUCKING DESERT. SO WHY DO YOU DECORATE ONE IN YOUR LIVING ROOMS ON THE SUPPOSED BIRTH OF JESUS? I KNOW THE ANSWER BUT I WILL LEAVE IT UP TO YOU TO FIND IT FOR YOURSELVES. GET ENLIGHTENED. I AM AGNOSTIC BY THE WAY. I BELIEVE IN GOD AND JESUS JUST NOT IN ORGANIZED RELIGION. HERES A HINT TO GET YOU STARTED: SEARCH ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH AND PAGANISM.