Posts Tagged ‘Mitch Hedberg’

There was a fine line between right and wrong, until I snorted it. I need to develop some patience, immediately. I’ve never read an article of clothing. I mind my own business..and struck gold.

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Slacking off on original material, propagating the hilarity of others instead. Enjoy! “I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word ‘dude.’ ‘Dude, these are isotopes.’ ‘Dude, we removed your kidney. You’re gonna be fine.’ ‘Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank […]

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Bus tickets must be beings of uttermost confidence, for their sole function is to be validated. I think one of the most groundbreaking inventions of all time is the jackhammer… Food is the opiate of the massive. Following things blindly must be hard.

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I order the club sandwich all the time, but I’m not even a member, man. I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.” I went to the store, bought eight apples. The clerk said, “Do you want me to put them in a bag?” I said, “No, […]

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To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, ‘Hey, can you give me a hand?,’ you can say, ‘Sorry, got these sacks.’ We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can’t scoff at them personally, to […]

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