My E-Absence, and what I’ve learnt

09Feb15

I’ve been absent from the blogosphere for a number of years, mostly thanks to life getting far more complicated than it ever was before, and me actually obtaining one. For about 6 years I was in a drug coma, during which posting little guides and rants on the internet was an amusing pastime, hence the bulk of this blog thus far. Having managed to not die during my shenanigans, I’ve now got a fairly different attitude towards most of the substances which I consumed, that ended up consuming me. Here’s my new and wiser opinions of the substances whose horns I’ve tooted in the past:

Nos
I ended up reaching a record of about 36 boxes in one night, and probably severely messing up my lungs in the process – after I set this record I lost my voice, and coughed non-stop for a number of days. If you’ve ever opened up a machine and run your finger through the inside, you’ve noticed the fine dust that accumulates inside – that’s probably covering my lungs right now. So if you must take it, pop open your machine and stick a cigarette filter in the tube inside (just make sure your machine has some sort of fine mesh between where you filter it and the mouth piece, otherwise that filter could end up wedged in your throat) and change it periodically.
But it wasn’t my extreme inability to control myself which finally changed my mind on the safety of nitrous – it was the findings of a high-tech friend of mine who bought an oximeter to actually test whether he was damaging his brain by starving it of oxygen while he was in nosland. Alas, his findings indicated that indeed, he was – though he was the paranoid type and refused to speak about any such things in detail over the internet. He claimed to have “rectified” this problem with the purchase of an oxygen generator, but at $700 that was a little unrealistic for me to buy in order to continue using nos, so I’m out.

On the bright side, I’ve discovered something much, much better than nitrous, which WON’T kill your brain cells by starving them of oxygen. It’s called DMT, and it is found in most plants, to some degree, as well as in our own brains. There is a brilliant documentary on it called DMT – The Spirit Molecule which gives you a good idea of what it’s like.

It’s been dubbed the “psychedelic bungee-jump”, and I agree the experience is a lot like being plunged into another realm. The hallucinations make everything which is already there extraordinarily beautiful, but they also create entities out of thin air – intricate, 3-dimensional beings which are continually moving and react to your every thought, and somehow seem MORE real than reality. In Terrence Mckenna’s words, you feel like you’re going to die of bewilderment when you’re on it. It’s definately a sit down and have neck support kind of drug, not a run around and try to do life kind of substance – even the simplest of tasks will lead you to complete befuddlement and incompetence, ie. changing the music or interacting with technology.

And no, DMT cannot be enhanced by taking it with nitrous. DMT is the most epic hallucinogen I have tried, and I feel it deserves respect – to mix it with marijuana, acid, nitrous, or anything, apart from actually lessening the effect of the DMT, is kind of like watching porn while having sex. It cheapens the experience. So Nos is out, and DMT is in, in my books. Though it deserves respect and is not a substance to be taken lightly nor frequently.

Meth
I’m not certain whether I ever actually mentioned that some of my rantings were amphetamine-fuelled, but oh, they were. I had adopted a mindset similar to that of the late, great musician Elliot Smith – ” a distorted reality is now necessary to be free”. I figured, if life was going to be so crummy, unfair and unfulfilling, I was justified in numbing myself a little to get by. That was only one of my excuses. After going to rehab 3 times (about 5 years ago now) and running away 3 times, something managed to seep in through my brain and I was no longer able to enjoy my debauchery while convincing myself I was doing what was necessary to survive. More on what happened with my love affair with meth and how I managed to quit later. Just, if you’re thinking about trying meth, don’t – it’s worse than pringles, once you pop, you can’t stop. You won’t even know that you want to stop- it hijacks your brain.

So that’s my post-drug-daze-days opinion of these things, and if anyone needs any help getting off of them, do let me know.

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3 Responses to “My E-Absence, and what I’ve learnt”

  1. 1 UnspeakableYou

    I’m just starting my relationship with NOS. I find it SO insightful and generally lovely, but no one to share it with. Any thoughts on how many brain cells it kills compared to alcohol? I do wonder what it will be like to die. Is that what i’m looking for?

    • Hey. I know you think it’s great – but it’s appealing for the lonely. It binds to the same part of the brain as the feeling of closeness. Try to stick a cigarette filter in the tube inside the machine. ANd really listen to your body the following day. If you pay attention, you will notice that you have been poisoned. When I was taking it I was so numb that I didn’t notice it.

    • Heya… The mysterious is fascinating indeed. I’m not sure how detrimental it is compared to alcohol. It sounds like you’re in a pretty lonely place…
      I’ve realised that the experience I sought in nitrous was a sense of the transpersonal – a sense of transcending myself, of tuning into something greater than myself, and of gleaning insights from this place. Now I’ve realised there are many ways to access this, ways that don’t involve destroying myself in the slightest… Our society doesn’t value such experiences, but they are cruicial to our sanity. Without them, life can appear drab and mundane.
      Here are some alternatives you may want to try to induce changes in states of consciousness:
      – trance dance
      – meditation (though this requires considerable patience!)
      – prana yama or breathing exercises
      – transpersonal psychotherapy
      – Taking acid and looking at nature/Alex gray’s artworks
      Let me know how you go, I understand that love affairs with certain substances can be a matter of survival at times; just wanted you to know you have other options.


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